It’s a good rule of thumb in life to take things in one’s stride with little ditties like:
- it’s gonna be okay;
- take a deep breath;
- five years from now, we’ll laugh uproariously about this moment.

The key word above is moment.

At this very moment, I’m questioning every goddamned thing about a project I’m grinding through.

It’s a project I’ve nourished for some time now, we’ve recently survived the I’ve fallen out of love with you phase, but right now, I’m asking embarrassingly basic questions like:
- what’s my hero’s motivation?
- what’s the theme of my story?
- how best can I begin my story?

I know the answers to all of the above for this project.

But they’re not enough.

Not right now.

Five years from now, I’ll chuckle gently about this moment.

For now, I’ll take a deep breath.

It’s gonna be okay.

I’ve been bereft of ideas for posts on this site for some time. You’ve likely noticed.

Oh, I’m still writing. For my sins.

But the blogging… even just thinking about what to post about, I’ve felt… unworthy. Questions I thought I’d answered in the early days of this writing gig and blog were pulling at my sleeve again:

– Who am I to brag and boast?

– What the hell do I know?

– Why am I blogging?

The answer to the first two are kinda covered by No more than some, much less than most but the last is a tricky one.

I’m still getting ideas of what to write about, but when I sit down and stare at the blank screen – hey, I’ve uninstalled all the Call of Duty games from the harddrive (having played them through to the end, of course) – I finish the first sentence or paragraph, and the whole post I had in my head becomes too much hard work to get down.

The blogging is no longer the escape it used to be. I confess: writing is no longer the joyous experience of discovery that it used to be. Actually: it was rarely ‘joyous’ nor illuminating in that ‘discovery’ kind of way.

Writing is hard work, always has been, and it’s what I do.

I’ve taken enough time-outs. You deserve better than abrupt radio silences.

So let’s meet half-way: my (once-)weekly posting will now be monthly, maybe, gods permitting, even more than once a month.

But let’s start with what’s achievable, rather than being aspirational and all that.

Let’s try that, yes?