{"id":773,"date":"2009-11-03T20:15:58","date_gmt":"2009-11-03T07:15:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/?p=773"},"modified":"2013-10-31T17:58:49","modified_gmt":"2013-10-31T04:58:49","slug":"boo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/boo\/","title":{"rendered":"Boo"},"content":{"rendered":"

Returning from the screening<\/a> last Saturday afternoon (by way of the hardware store and a food hall-lunch), we noticed some mini-ghouls out and about in the late afternoon.<\/p>\n

Bloody Halloween<\/i>, I groaned, and The Goddess patted my knee.<\/p>\n

I hate trick-or-treaters.<\/p>\n

There’s no childhood trauma or such for this hatred. Halloween figured in my childhood only so far as school lessons suddenly turning to jack o’ lanterns and how once upon a time ’twas hallowed evening. I got my scares aplenty with the telly’s Sunday Horrors, thank you very much.<\/p>\n

Snapping back to the present – here’s a typical exchange with trick-or-treaters in our fair land:<\/p>\n

\n

INT.\/EXT. DOOR – HALLOWED EVENING – FLASHBACK<\/p>\n

WRITER opens the DOOR to be greeted by --<\/p>\n

MINI-GHOUL + FAIRY-BARBIE<\/p>\n

(chorus)<\/p>\n

Trick or treat!<\/p>\n

Writer brings out a HAMPER and doles out --<\/p>\n

WRITER<\/p>\n

An apple for you, young sir, and an apple for you, young lady.<\/p>\n

-- and MINI GHOUL and FAIRY-BARBIE look with some shock as TWO APPLES are placed in their SACKS OF SWEETS.<\/p>\n

MINI-GHOUL<\/p>\n

... Thanks.<\/p>\n

Fairy-Barbie says nothing.<\/p>\n

WRITER<\/p>\n

You’re BOTH welcome.<\/p>\n

He closes the door as --<\/p>\n

FAIRY-BARBIE (O.S.)<\/p>\n

An APPLE?<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

So. After a few years of this kind of exchange – and uneaten apples prominently left at the edge of our property – this year I drafted a sign for those ungrateful toads to stay away.<\/p>\n

\n

EXT. GARDEN – HALLOWED EVENING 2009<\/p>\n

THE GODDESS admires Her garden, CHICKENS clucking about Her legs.<\/p>\n

WRITER shows Her a HAND-MADE SIGN --<\/p>\n

GODDESS<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

WRITER<\/p>\n

But –<\/p>\n

GODDESS<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

Writer looks at his sign: “FUCK OFF”.<\/p>\n

GODDESS<\/p>\n

(off Writer)<\/p>\n

It’s not in the spirit of Halloween.<\/p>\n

WRITER<\/p>\n

... Okay. How about –<\/p>\n

He scribbles on the sign and shows it to Her. She deadpans him a look.<\/p>\n

WRITER<\/p>\n

It’s in the spirit.<\/p>\n

GODDESS<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

ANGLE ON amended sign: “FUCK OFF and have a Happy Halloween!”<\/p>\n

EXT. GARDEN – MINUTES LATER<\/p>\n

Writer approaches The Goddess, sign extended, beaming proudly.<\/p>\n

GODDESS<\/p>\n

(reading)<\/p>\n

“Happy Halloween – thank you for your visit but we do not do trick or treat.”<\/p>\n

(looks up)<\/p>\n

Much better.<\/p>\n

WRITER<\/p>\n

(bows)<\/p>\n

Thank you.<\/p>\n

GODDESS<\/p>\n

May I suggest one tiny thing?<\/p>\n

WRITER<\/p>\n

Of course.<\/p>\n

She points to the original “FUCK OFF” which is now ringed with the new wording.<\/p>\n

GODDESS<\/p>\n

How about putting your excellent new wording on a new sign.<\/p>\n

WRITER<\/p>\n

You’re no fun.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Returning from the screening last Saturday afternoon (by way of the hardware store and a food hall-lunch), we noticed some mini-ghouls out and about in the late afternoon. Bloody Halloween, I groaned, and The Goddess patted my knee. I hate trick-or-treaters. There’s no childhood trauma or such for this hatred. Halloween figured in my childhood … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Boo”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[100,902,287],"class_list":["post-773","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-scriptwriting","tag-halloween","tag-the-chickens","tag-the-goddess"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/773","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=773"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/773\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3849,"href":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/773\/revisions\/3849"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=773"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=773"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dfmamea.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=773"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}