The Goddess and I sat down to watch some homegrown drama the other night and within two minutes my gut began to writhe, and it wasn’t from overindulging chocolate cake:
EXT. BEACH – DAY
CARL and DI, both in their forties, married twenty years now, walk hand in hand along the sand, as they admire the beautiful sunset.
DI
Carl?
CARL
Yes, Di?
DI
Do you love me, Carl?
CARL
Why do you ask, Di?
Riddle me this: when you talk with your partner/lover/friend – acquaintance, even – who you’ve known for a minimum of six months, do you say their name with every sentence directed at them?
Didn’t think so.
Then why do I keep seeing it in homegrown drama?
Why can’t exchanges just be:
EXT. BEACH – SUNSET
DI
Carl?
CARL
Mm?
DI
Do you love me?
CARL
What the hell kinda question is that?
Yes, what the hell kind of question is that? A question that is likely to lead to trouble, me thinks…
a dramatic question! a question that we can ACT OUT on! and then our broadcaster can hard-sell their/our captive audience on tampons/banking-products/masterbuild-homes/heating-ducts for five fucking minutes before we return to Carl and Di… or do we instead return to the B-story of Edmond and Francis, gay astronauts abroad…?