JUDGE KARL meets his plucky new sidekick OLIVIA THIRLBY.
JUDGE KARL
So you failed the Judge SAT test, but you’ve got Kuato powers so we’re giving you one more chance to prove yourself.
OLIVIA THIRLBY
(using mind powers)
I sense that you’re very... You’re kind of... You’re sort of...
JUDGE KARL
Yeah? Go on?
OLIVIA THIRLBY
(pause)
Uh, nevermind. Forget it.
JUDGE KARL
But you were about to reveal something interesting and profound about me that might give my character the slightest shred of depth.
OLIVIA THIRLBY
(looks at watch)
Wow, you haven’t shot anyone for a full two minutes.
JUDGE KARL
Damn, you’re right. Characterization can go fuck itself. Let’s go kill something.
Yeah.
I loved Dredd because it didn’t try to be anything more than it is, whether it’s a balls-out actioner, a more-faithful-than-hoped-for adaptation of the original comic character, a nicely self-contained dystopian sci-fi flick, or a combination of any/all of the above.
Ye olde local started showing this one so we saddled up to support local business and see what the hype was all about.
As the end credits rolled, I turned to The Goddess and said, Well, and she loooked at me and said Well, and we hugged each other because it was nice to get out and support local business.
In an unprecedented move in our relationship, we returned forthwith to Fortress Mamea and watched the following two films in very short order:
It was an exhausting, essential cleansing process but well worth the time.
Postscript:Chris W at The Editing Room deconstructs the film perfectly, with my favourite abridged script line being:
CHARLIZE invites NOOMI and LOGAN to her FORESHADOWING ROOM.
This week, in lieu of my usual witterings, I offer you:
At The Editing Room, Rod Hilton writes ‘abridged scripts’ of popular films – but in an indecently irreverent spirit that harks back to web classics “movies in a minute” and “movies with bunnies”. Behold his takes on The Bourne Ultimatum, The Departed and Ronin.
Former Paramount Theatre manager Dan Slevin used to throw together the best – the best, I tell ya – weekly e-newsletters. I may have been in the wrong city at the time (Christchurch, then Dunedin), but the reviews, descriptions and one-liners were a pleasure to read, and welcome heads-ups on what might (eventually) hit the South Island. He’s now the Capital Times film reviewer – and generously reprints his reviews at his blog, Funerals and Snakes.
And for something different, try killer-fact.com where literary quizzes (what novel opened with “Call me Ishmael”?) gleefully rub shoulders with polls like which Spice Girl to eat first when all the food has run out on your desert island. (Fedora-tip: NZBC.)
Update: the killer-fact.com page now says “This account has been suspended – please contact billing…”. Guess you’ll have to take my word for it.