I once met with a couple of young writers and an interested party who may or may not’ve been their producer. I’d read their script – it had potential, but needed a lot of work. The writers had been through a couple of consultants already and were a little worse for wear.
INT. CAFE – DAY
Our WRITER sits with a talented writing pair, SWARTHY WRITER and PORCELAIN WRITER, as well as the pair’s friend, who we shall call PHANTOM PRODUCER.
SWARTHY
– and so after three months of waiting on her, and buying her drinks –
WRITER
We still talking about your previous consultant?
Porcelain’s giggle is cut short by a look from Swarthy.
SWARTHY
I’m like, I don’t need this. I don’t need the aggravation. It was the same for you wasn’t it Porcelain?
PORCELAIN
(nods)
Absolutely.
Swarthy nods: See? See?
Writer looks at Phantom and shrugs:
WRITER
Okay, it wasn’t the best experience –
SWARTHY WRITER
At all.
WRITER
– and I can tell you now that it won’t be your worst. Times like that can be character building –
SWARTHY WRITER
Character building?
(points to Writer for Porcelain’s benefit)
Character building? If I hadn’t renounced violence three years, two months, and twenty-five days earlier, I would have taken the first consultant aside and FUCKED HIM UP!
A sudden, awkward silence.
SWARTHY WRITER
But I didn’t.
(to Porcelain)
Did I?
PORCELAIN WRITER
Nope.
SWARTHY WRITER
No. I did not.
He looks at Phantom, something passing between them, unreadable to our Writer. Phantom looks at the palm of her hand.
PHANTOM PRODUCER
(reading off her palm)
So ah, where are you guys at with your project?
SWARTHY WRITER
We’re looking for a new consultant.
WRITER
You should.
SWARTHY WRITER
And we’re thinking that if Writer here is interested –
WRITER
I could be interested.
SWARTHY WRITER
So you’re interested –
PORCELAIN
That’s brilliant –
Both Swarthy and Porcelain exhale with relief, grinning at each other until –
WRITER
I said I COULD be interested.
SWARTHY
What the fuck does that mean?
Our Writer takes a sip from his HOT CHOCOLATE – it’s no longer hot enough to burn skin but the BOWL is a convenient shape should it have to be forcefully applied to a skull.
WRITER
I said I could be interested.
The other three stare at him.
WRITER
(to Porcelain)
Do you want a new consultant?
PORCELAIN
Yes.
SWARTHY
We want you! What’s the problem?
WRITER
You need to ask.
SWARTHY
To ask -?
Looks at Phantom Producer: WTF?
Writer waits them out. The silence stretches.
PORCELAIN
(off Swarthy)
Will you be our consultant?
WRITER
Sure. You only needed to ask.
Bwahaha I’ve seen this script before I believe …just not quite sure if it has a fairytale ending
i ah, i don’t know what you’re talking about.
plausable deniability aside, it’s attitude and hunger that make the difference when consulting on scripts: it’s how open the writer/s is/are to feedback and how much they just want to write. take away either of those – you better be getting paid for your time and trouble.