Scriptwriter
The Unit creator David Mamet apparently wrote a memo to the writers of the show of things to keep in mind, including things like:
Nothing a self-respecting screenwriter won’t already know but nonetheless a recommended and refreshing Mametian reminder.
(Fedora-tip: WGGB Blog.)
FADE IN:
INT. FAVOURED LOCAL CAFE – MID-2006
GODDESS
I just read this great story about sentient misanthropic parking meters!
Our Writer tears his eye from a public library copy of “100 Bullets: The Hard Way”.
WRITER
That’s nice, Dear.
GODDESS
It’d make a great T.V. series.
But Her mortal is already back in the Land of Azzarello & Risso.
CUT TO:
INT. FORTRESS MAMEA – CHRISTMAS 2007
Our Writer pulls from his CHRISTMAS STOCKING... a BOOK on sentient parking meters with anger issues and histories of substance abuse.
WRITER
Oh. A book on –
GODDESS
I know! You should read it!
CUT TO:
EXT. BATTLEMENT, FORTRESS MAMEA – LATE 2008
Our Writer stifles a smile as he turns the last page of his Christmas 2007 gift. He looks at his Goddess surrounded by well-thumbed books, magazines and clippings on renovation, gardening and animal husbandry.
WRITER
That was fun.
GODDESS
(off Writer’s book cover)
I knew you’d like it.
WRITER
It’d be expensive –
GODDESS
But it’s got everything: actuary tables, scene examinations, car chases, gun fights, love scenes –
WRITER
Love scenes?
GODDESS
Just checking if you’re listening.
Writer smirks and thumbs through the book. Just in case.
CUT TO:
INT. HOME THEATRE, FORTRESS MAMEA – MID-2009
ON TELEVISION as credits roll and a ‘mute’ symbol appears in the corner of the screen. We hear a SIGH O.S. as --
-- our Writer sits on the couch, a glazed look on his face, and heaves another sigh. His Goddess looks up from Her innumerable colour charts, chips and samples.
GODDESS
At least everyone involved got paid?
(beat)
You’ll never get that hour back?
(beat)
But it was character building, yes?
She puts down a colour card with with names like satin road, sulu, deep blush and royal heath.
GODDESS
Say something.
WRITER
(slowly and painfully)
A monkey with both hands super-glued to his genitals, blind from antifreeze addiction and with incipient Parkinsons could have banged out a better script on an Underwood missing half its keys.
GODDESS
And what are you going to do about it?
The Writer pulls out his POWERBOOK and opens it up.
INSERT POWERBOOK SCREEN
as the following is typed in: “THE PARKING METER – When broken yellow lines are ignored and P5/P30/P60 signs are used as trophyware, who you gonna call?”
FADE OUT.
Been saving these up, oh yes I have.
(Yeah, okay: eight days since my last post is more than a few days – more than several days – more, even, thana week. Sorry.)
It’s been so long since we’ve rolled into 2010 I won’t bore you with -0
This is my blog – and in the world of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Hooah.
2009 was really a year for the goggle box —
— but cinema had some new – and old – pleasures —
— and when not glooed to a flickering screen, there was always —
Oryx & Crake – Margaret Atwood
The Turnaround – George Pelecanos
… Aaaand – okay, books without pictures were a bit of a rarity last year (again) – but these scripts made an impression:
Miami Vice (2004) – Michael Mann
Precious – Geoffrey Fletcher
Red Rock West – John Dahl and Rick Dahl
The Incredibles – Brad Bird
The Hurt Locker – Mark Boal
The Road – Joe Penhall
Zombieland – Rhett Reese & Paul Wernick
I won’t be disclosing stats because they’re pitiful and I have no excuse. But if you break my run of comment spam (three figures and rising this past month) and ask nicely, I’ll consider it.
2009 was an okay year for watching and reading – a better year for writing – and 2010 awaits my conquest domination attention.
Overall rating: Satisfactory – but must try harder.
In the vacuum left by the season finale of Mad Men, the Fortress Mamea inhabitants have been at a bit of a loose end. We enjoyed a fling with Better Off Ted, had our injections with Nurse Jackie, but they too have gone the way of Mad Men.
I’m at a similar place with my slate. Having reached my writing objectives for the year, I’m now trying to raise my film and TV viewing stats (59 finishes and 33 walk-/turn-offs to date, compared to 2008’s 94 and 19, respectively), as well as my reading stats (there’s a gaping hole from July to September that I don’t think I can make up for). I’ve completed Delta Force: Black Hawk Down (snore) and Close Combat: First to Fight (grin)* but… surely I could be doing something more useful?
We’re chortling through Glee. The Banana Boat writing group is ending the year with a bit of a bash. Only 24 sleeps until Avatar.
And after a few weeks of staring at my development file for the next project and not being inspired… I’ve just had a brilliant idea for my next project, totally out of the blue**.
Suh-weet.
* Not that you asked, but I’m currently chugging through Aliens vs Predators 2 and finding it rather tedious – I think I might join Monty and the boys in their North African campaign sooner rather than later.
** “Out of the blue”. What a crock. It was a fortuitous intersection of: people I know and want to work with; an achievable production budget; and a perfick location.
Greetings earthlings.
(Fedora tip: Jill Golick.)
(Fedora-tips: The Goddess and Gareth James, respectively.)
Lately I’ve been comparing – fairly or unfairly, it’s unavoidable – some shows screening on the Fortress Mamea goggle box.
EXHIBIT A
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
DOCTOR SLAUGHTER smiles as he examines a NERVOUS PATIENT.
SLAUGHTER
I’m going to listen to your heart beat.
He does so with his STETHOSCOPE.
SLAUGHTER
I’m going to check your pupils.
He does so with his PENLIGHT.
EXHIBIT B
EXT. DESERT, IRAQ – DAY
Mercenary NICK SWORD scans a DISTANT VILLAGE through his BINOCULARS.
He makes notes with PENCIL and NOTEPAD. We notice a slight tremor in his writing hand.
WOMAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
What’s happening?
Sword puts away pencil and pad as he turns to TAMSIN SMITH, his employer, peering over his shoulder. He hands her the binoculars, trembling hand stuffed into a pocket.
SWORD
Nothing so far.
(beat)
‘S all good.
What’s that? Why am I comparing oranges with bananas?
Because good writing is what makes the every-day interesting.
EXHIBIT A – REVISED
INT. HOSPITAL – DAY
DOCTOR SLAUGHTER examines a NERVOUS PATIENT. He breathes on his STETHOSCOPE.
SLAUGHTER
This won’t take long.
He listens to the patient’s chest.
SLAUGHTER
(listening)
Mm-hm. ... Thank you.
He pulls out his PENLIGHT.
SLAUGHTER
(smiles)
You know the drill.
The patient gives the smallest smile.
Some rather thin screenwriting-related links this month.
(Fedora-tip: Alex Epstein.)
… There is only one real lesson in Whedonland, and it’s that loving cool people is dangerous because someone’s probably gonna shove a flaming rock into their skull.
Yep: that’s how I got hooked in Season 2.
(Fedora-tip: Lucy Vee.)
… Hey, this is my 250th post. Woo-hoo me.
Having ethnically disparaged The Cult, sight unseen, along strictly racial lines*, the inhabitants of Fortress Mamea have watched the first two eps.
For me, the greatest sin of any homegrown show is try-hard self-consciousness – and thankfully, there’s none here whatsoever**. It looks and sounds like a real TV show, rather than something we should watch out of patriotism. The direction and cinematography are uniformly flashy. The characters are clearly delineated. The plotting is pacey and the dialogue largely on point with only occasional excursions into exposition.
But I’m not feeling for any of the characters. Why am I not caring for:
And what’s the deal with the mercenary hired by the outside group? If he’s really an ex-SAS soldier, he’s being awfully reticent and docile. A character with a skill set like his is a game changer: the rules of engagement may differ (it’s not a warzone so killing people isn’t a good idea) but the game is the same – if your objective is to get certain people out of a compound, then you do everything and anything to achieve that objective. Instead, he’s rolled on and off screen like a prop, as and when the story dictates.
Ep three screens tomorrow, and The Goddess has given me the hard word: If this doesn’t get any better, you’re on your own.
Oh dear.
POSTSCRIPT: OMFG – The Cult‘s section on the TVNZ website has a writers blog where creator Peter Cox shows some of the development process that went into the show.
* When I posted that, I couldn’t help flashing on this joker from the underrated Undercover Brother.
** No surprise, really: creator Peter Cox was behind both the near-perfect The Insiders Guide to Happiness and the excellent but abysmally scheduled The Pretender.
