FADE IN:
INT. FAVOURED LOCAL CAFE – MID-2006
GODDESS
I just read this great story about sentient misanthropic parking meters!
Our Writer tears his eye from a public library copy of “100 Bullets: The Hard Way”.
WRITER
That’s nice, Dear.
GODDESS
It’d make a great T.V. series.
But Her mortal is already back in the Land of Azzarello & Risso.
CUT TO:
INT. FORTRESS MAMEA – CHRISTMAS 2007
Our Writer pulls from his CHRISTMAS STOCKING... a BOOK on sentient parking meters with anger issues and histories of substance abuse.
WRITER
Oh. A book on –
GODDESS
I know! You should read it!
CUT TO:
EXT. BATTLEMENT, FORTRESS MAMEA – LATE 2008
Our Writer stifles a smile as he turns the last page of his Christmas 2007 gift. He looks at his Goddess surrounded by well-thumbed books, magazines and clippings on renovation, gardening and animal husbandry.
WRITER
That was fun.
GODDESS
(off Writer’s book cover)
I knew you’d like it.
WRITER
It’d be expensive –
GODDESS
But it’s got everything: actuary tables, scene examinations, car chases, gun fights, love scenes –
WRITER
Love scenes?
GODDESS
Just checking if you’re listening.
Writer smirks and thumbs through the book. Just in case.
CUT TO:
INT. HOME THEATRE, FORTRESS MAMEA – MID-2009
ON TELEVISION as credits roll and a ‘mute’ symbol appears in the corner of the screen. We hear a SIGH O.S. as --
-- our Writer sits on the couch, a glazed look on his face, and heaves another sigh. His Goddess looks up from Her innumerable colour charts, chips and samples.
GODDESS
At least everyone involved got paid?
(beat)
You’ll never get that hour back?
(beat)
But it was character building, yes?
She puts down a colour card with with names like satin road, sulu, deep blush and royal heath.
GODDESS
Say something.
WRITER
(slowly and painfully)
A monkey with both hands super-glued to his genitals, blind from antifreeze addiction and with incipient Parkinsons could have banged out a better script on an Underwood missing half its keys.
GODDESS
And what are you going to do about it?
The Writer pulls out his POWERBOOK and opens it up.
INSERT POWERBOOK SCREEN
as the following is typed in: “THE PARKING METER – When broken yellow lines are ignored and P5/P30/P60 signs are used as trophyware, who you gonna call?”
FADE OUT.
