Scriptwriter
What the hell.
This should be interesting.
I can’t just refer to what is taking over my life as a short film for ever.
It’s got a name: To’ona’i, a short film about a couple of siblings who try to deal with the loss of their older brother.
A month from now, I’ll laugh and maybe even tear up about this time. For the moment, all I can feel is the pain.
After a week of jitters, it is done.
In the end, I pitched to six out of eleven producers and commissioners. Of the five that I didn’t sit down with, two were no-shows to begin with, two left before I started working my way around them (there were two rounds, as it were, and I was in the second round), and one left thinking she’d finished (or survived – understandable considering she’d just sat through twenty-plus two-minute* pitches without a break).
For me, the best thing was experiencing firsthand most of what I’d read or heard. It’s one thing to know in a theoretical sense, Don’t take it personally if they’re sitting there poker-faced, but it’s another to sit opposite someone and fight the urge to babble about your project just because they’re not leaping out of their seat, kissing you on both cheeks, and declaring the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The most useful sit-downs were where a conversation took place. Once the logline, plot description and themes were out of the way – what else did they want to know? The remaining ninety seconds were filled up by a Q & A where I showed off the depth of my knowledge**. Whether they could do anything with the project or not was almost beside the point. It was pretty cool to talk about a project as if it had real possibilities, rather than as just An idea I’ve got for a show….
Did I like it? Yes – I rather enjoyed it actually. Even if you get an ignorant and short-sighted producer, it’s good to realise in the rush of blood to the head, I disagree with your noises of disrespect – my mistake for pitching a drama to a reality-programme maker.
Would I do it again? Yes. I have survived the gauntlet that is DateNight. Bring it on.
* Short two producers, Mr Gannaway tried to ease the load by cutting the pitching time down from three to two minutes.
** Except for when I was asked what target audience I had in mind. No matter how often you’re told and read that you need only write for yourself and don’t worry about the market – that’s what the producer worries about, you will be asked what target audience you have in mind for your project.
Prrretty busy this week.
Yay, we’ve been back home a week, back in our own beds, eating the kinda food we usually eat. And even though I’m long overdue to explain how/why The Boy and I hobbled Amit in a friendly game of front lawn-cricket (he did it to himself) (he did) (and then we made him dinner), instead I offer some scriptwriting-related distractions:
You know the point in the movie where the AUDIENCE-SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER, already keeping the peace between PLOT-ADVANCING CHARACTER and MUTE-UNTIL-NECESSARY CHARACTER, realises that Mute~ has crucial information that will affect the outcome of the film and so does the obvious thing:
AUDIENCE-SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER
(to Plot-Advancing Character)
I need to tell you something –
PLOT-ADVANCING CHARACTER
I don’t have time for this –
AUDIENCE-SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER
But it’s important!
PLOT-ADVANCING CHARACTER
(claps hands over ears)
LALALALALALALALALA!
Moments like these are vital for there to be suspense, victory and/or tragedy down the line. But it’s about as tired and welcome as the telephone call from someone with vital information who won’t spill it over the damned ‘phone.
If I was watching an okay to great movie or T.V. ep and one of these exchanges turned up, the whole thing was spoiled for me. (Nowadays I’m a little more forgiving.) Then a couple of movies seemed to turn the tide. I watched them so many times that, whether I wanted to or not, I’d studied them. Two things I learned from James Cameron‘s The Terminator and Aliens:
One: if there’s potential film-ends-right-now information to be exchanged, introduce an external interruption –
AUDIENCE-SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER
I need to tell you something –
PLOT-ADVANCING CHARACTER
I’m all ears.
A passing .50 CALIBRE SNIPER ROUND vaporizes Plot~’s head.
Two: even better, make the external interruption the pay-off of a much earlier character set-up –
PLOT-ADVANCING CHARACTER
(sotto)
I was thirsty so I got a drink from the fridge... nope. Then I rinsed the glass and set it on the shelf... not there either.
Audience~ enters, flustered:
AUDIENCE-SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER
I need to tell you something.
PLOT-ADVANCING CHARACTER
Hm?
Plot~ continues retracing their steps.
AUDIENCE-SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER
Mute~ said something. I can’t make sense of it but it’s something important.
PLOT-ADVANCING CHARACTER
Really?
(sotto)
Then I sat down to watch the telly...
AUDIENCE-SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER
Mute~ said, “Beep. Beep. Beeeeep.”
Plot~, already half-way to the LOUNGE, freezes mid-step.
AUDIENCE SYMPATHETIC CHARACTER
Does that mean anything to you?
TIGHT ON PLOT~ as he turns – and REAL-TIME SLOOOWS DOOOWN –
ANGLE ON MICROWAVE as it counts down – 0:03, 0:02, –
SLO-MO as Plot~ shoves Audience~ aside –
SUPER-TIGHT ON MICROWAVE L.E.D. as it reads 0:01 –
WIDE ON Plot~ in mid-flight, headed straight for the microwave –
SUPER-DUPER-TIGHT ON LAST L.E.D. DIGIT as it switches from 1 to 0 –
MICROWAVE
Beep. Beep. Beeeeep.
One could argue that the external interruption is a mere variation on the knock on the door or ringing telephone that cuts in on an escalating conversation. I agree: there is that about the first device.
But the second device takes it a step further: by removing the deus ex machina, it makes the characters more responsible for their own – and others’ – destinies. It gives a story that circular/holistic/karmic/we’re-all-in-this-together touch.
Y’know, like in real life. But with more guns and car chases and stuff.
Gosh.
Hundredth post.
I may not have written as much as I wanted to since 1 January 2007 but I’ve –
‘S not bad. And because it’s that time of the year, I give you a list of notable and recommended reading and viewing experiences (in strict alphabetical order):
As for the running, I do it only so that I fit my clothes.
Happy new year.
Last week, the mailboxes of New Zealand Writers Guild members, associates and supporters were crossed with the Guild’s revived and renamed quarterly magazine, Pitch Engine. A successor to the quarterly WriteUp that shifted online for a couple of years, PE intends to Get Out There and Build Awareness. Props galore to executive director Steve Gannaway and editor supremo Dara McNaught for getting the mag up and running in a mere few months.
Issue One includes interviews and articles from the likes of Outrageous Fortune creators James Griffin and Rachel Lang, The Ferryman and Stickmen scribe Nick Ward, and Facelift and Futile Attraction writer Benedict Reid.
Available at a Whitcoulls or Paper Plus near you.
(Disclosure: Yes, I have a couple of articles in there – one I’d impulsively pitched on the spot to them (and then had to deliver), and the other an amalgam of these two posts.)
This week, in lieu of my usual witterings, I offer you:
Update: the killer-fact.com page now says “This account has been suspended – please contact billing…”. Guess you’ll have to take my word for it.
After a few days of (relatively) frenzied DVD watching, I’ve learned that:
Just as all things come to an end – films that end at the right moment, or films that end because there’s no more disk space – the Goddess returned yesterday. All is well with the world.
