Confidence

It’s a good rule of thumb in life to take things in one’s stride with little ditties like:
– it’s gonna be okay;
– take a deep breath;
– five years from now, we’ll laugh uproariously about this moment.

The key word above is moment.

At this very moment, I’m questioning every goddamned thing about a project I’m grinding through.

It’s a project I’ve nourished for some time now, we’ve recently survived the I’ve fallen out of love with you phase, but right now, I’m asking embarrassingly basic questions like:
– what’s my hero’s motivation?
– what’s the theme of my story?
– how best can I begin my story?

I know the answers to all of the above for this project.

But they’re not enough.

Not right now.

Five years from now, I’ll chuckle gently about this moment.

For now, I’ll take a deep breath.

It’s gonna be okay.

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4 Replies to “Confidence”

  1. Sounds like hard stuff. You have my sympathies.

    I’ve found that dealing with the emotions around creative projects is some of the hardest stuff there is. I reckon taking a bit of a break to feel the feelings can be a good thing. There’s a difference between the feelings and the project, but it can get real hard to see that when you’re down in it.

    But you’re right. It will be okay. .

    1. thanks Sean.

      y’know… i’ve never thought about my emotions around projects that way. i’ve assumed that there’s a reasonably natural progression from the first flush of i wuv u! to steady as she goes, then a rocky patch (usually the second act, or the second or third draft) of i hate you! / i love you! [repeat] until It Is Done whereupon a lot of self-congratulation descends, some deserving, some not so. all of which i’ve seen as stages of creation rather than the emotional space around the act of creation. just writing that makes me a little nervous.

      hurm.

  2. Yeah, that emotional arc over the project that you’re talking about is very real for me too.

    But I’ve also noticed lately that when I strike a Dip in enthusiasm or self-confidence, it’s really worth the time for me to address the emotional issues behind that Dip. I’ve found that sometimes a few minutes is all it takes to clean it up and get back on the writing road…

    Cheers, Sean

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